Despite the ease of online communication and connection, many people have never felt more alone in the world than they do now, especially since the pandemic.
Over the last few years we have experienced deep change and the people around you may no longer be around for a myriad of reasons. Simply meeting up or trying to pick up where we left off is no longer an option. Life has moved on.
There may be activities you once enjoyed that now you no longer have the enthusiasm and energy for. In person get-together’s that you don’t have time for. And along with the increase in hybrid working meaning you’re spending far more time alone. You cannot meet or chit-chat as freely with your colleagues at work and your family may be scattered across the globe.
There’s a recurrent theme I see and hear of repeatedly that relationships have stumbled and crumbled around us. Leaving the feeling of being disconnected, alone and isolated unable to openly share with others how you truly feel.
Prior to the pandemic I was a member of several networking groups, I’d zip in and out of Central London at least once a week, have regular one to one’s in person and enjoyed being a lady what lunches in some of the best venues in the city. But not anymore, those days are long gone. I choose not to go into London as now I prefer the quieter pace of life out of the city. And I am not as interested these days in ‘networking’ personally I want to connect with fewer people on a deeper level. But where do you find like-minded souls these days? It’s definitely become harder and our social circles seem to be getting smaller.
However, one of the fundamental aspects for our long-term mental and emotional health and well-being is human connection. This helps build and retain our self-confidence and self-esteem. Our relationships influence our well-being, when we feel part of a tribe we have a true sense of belonging and trust that we can show up as we really are.
In a world of algorithms, hashtags and followers know and understand the importance of real, authentic human connection.
Being online has given us the remarkable opportunity to connect with other people globally, yet it cannot replace being with someone else in the real world.
We cannot rely on a social media feed to know and understand how the people around us really are. A carefully curated reel isn’t going to portray the true story. Relying on WhatsApp as your only method of communication may be convenient, but it isn’t forging a real-time, real-life soul-to-soul connection.
There simply is no pill that can replace human connection. There is no pharmacy that can fill the need for compassionate interaction with others. The answer to human suffering is both within us and between us – Dr Joanne Caccitore.
How are you? How are you really?
People never know what is going on in our worlds unless we choose to tell them. I consciously choose not to share my life dramas online. There are a handful of friends in my inner circle and I experienced extreme loneliness and isolation especially following the loss of our baby Grace Rose. In times of grief you really find out who your friends are. You can read more about this within my book here.
If you’re struggling you’re not always easy to be around, or good up-lifting company therefore others may choose to avoid you or not want to bother you. But this is a time when you need connection the most.
And equally we just don’t know the whole story of what is happening with others behind the scenes if we don’t talk often. They may be struggling to cope with life with issues at work, or with a relationship breakdown, trying to navigate long-term health problems, taking care of their elderly parents, have children flying the nest or are dealing with a monumental mid-life crisis. Or in some cases bouncing between all of the above. Especially in mid-life when these kind of curve balls seem to arrive. One after another.
You never know unless you ask and check in.
If you’re wondering how someone is. Ask them. Connect. Pick up the phone. Leave a message. Check in. Show up. Be the person who makes contact, as the person who is suffering is unlikely to.
And if you need support, seek it out with someone you can trust. Accept help. No one will know how you really are unless you decide to share and be honest with them.
Being alone is not the same as feeling lonely. I enjoy solitude and my own company, but have come to understand that I also thrive being around others too. I know I need like-minded people to lift my spirits, help spark ideas, offer encouragement, support and to simply be there for each other as life unfolds in all it’s glory and drama. That’s what good friends and soul connections do.
My life started getting better when I stopped pouring into cups that didn’t pour into mine. Family, friends, colleagues and acquaintances included. I deserve people who show up for me too.
Now there feels that there is a greater shift towards re-connection. And I know transformation happens when people gather to connect on a deeper level, within themselves and others. I recently joined a new women’s circle online and there were 56 like-minded souls together simply to enjoy new moon rituals. Despite having never met before and being located all across the world, we quickly bonded, shared and felt able to be openly vulnerable with each other meaning we all felt less alone. It was uplifting and re-energising. I found myself paired up and newly acquainted with Ana, her in Virginia and me in London as she shared with me openly how her friendships and relationships have changed. Friendships she thought she’d always have, have suddenly ended. Leaving her shaken and alone. It was hard for her to let go. I resonated with this, especially as through-out my own life I have moved around a lot in terms of place and employment. Which means many of my own relationships have come to their natural end. I have learned to accept this and know eventually there will be new connections made with people I resonate with now.
People, jobs, places that are no longer in resonance will fall away.
It might feel jarring at first, it may feel lonely, you may feel more lonely than ever.
This is natural. It’s resonance.
Allow what needs to fall away to fall.
Eventually the new will come towards you.
It will all make sense.
Let energy do it’s thing. Get excited for the new.
As you create the most beautiful home within and around you.
Let the new you, meet you there.
That’s resonance.
When you feel deeply connected to yourself, you’ll find it easier to connect and resonate deeply with others.