As the year winds to a close many including me are breathing a sigh of relief, I am not big on celebrating new year but there is no doubt this is a year many of us are glad to see the back of as life has tried and tested us and our resilience repeatedly in ways none of us could have envisaged only twelve months ago.
The unrelenting grief and trauma has left a residue of collective weariness that makes it hard to recognise anything good to come out of 2020. Many aspects of my own life are unrecognisable and sadly as a family and for some of our friends we’ve all lost loved ones far too soon.
Retreating and reflection have been high on my agenda as personally I chose to step away from social media day-to-day, made the conscious decision to pause my business and services for the time being and tried to do my best to avoid getting publicly caught up in the battles over who breaks the lockdown rules, where and with whom. What I will say is that it is abundantly clear that there are those who continue to make sacrifices for the greater good of all.
And those who don’t.
I know which camp I am in especially as we are not out of the pandemic woods yet.
We instead of Me
On the upside this year brought us a greater sense of community as we’ve been able to get to know more of our neighbours both of the human and animal kind. We’ve consciously chosen to support local businesses and the community and environmental initiatives on our doorstep.
I have walked and walked and walked some more - seemingly always in a pair of wellies. Seeing every change in season and being outdoors has done wonders for my sanity and waistline!
Loneliness and isolation are prevalent for many of us and so I feel fortunate to have my own trusted “support bubble” which is a tight, supportive and loving tribe carefully filled with my immediate family and a handful of friends old and new.
We’ve closed ranks as this year has shaken the foundations of all our lives in many different ways; we are adapting and adjusting as we go along. The pandemic has had a severe impact on our work, incomes or businesses, tested our relationships and of course been an incredibly anxious time overall as we continuously try to keep ourselves and our loved ones safe and healthy.
Just “Being” there with each other in heart, mind and spirit online - even if we cannot see each other in person has been essential in helping us all cope.
Where did my life go?
Over the summer months one of my friends asked me what I was doing with my business and urged me to keep showing up and said that my voice and work is needed. Being in the depths of the pandemic abyss at the time all I could think about was what the hell happened to my life?
I had little in the way of wisdom or guidance to offer anyone including myself and therefore begged to differ. Like so many of us it has been about getting through each day and keeping ourselves afloat hasn’t it? And so for the first time in my life I placed more importance on my private home life and in taking care of my own physical, emotional and mental self. None of us can pour or help others from an empty cup, can we?
This has not been the time to continuously push or strive, so I have embraced the opportunity to step back, pause and reflect and spend what precious little energy I have left for taking care of our immediate needs. Everything else will and can wait a little longer.
You’re exactly where you need to be. Right here and right now.
It can be hard to accept what has and continues to unfold but I have repeatedly heard from several different sources that nothing happens by accident – we are all exactly where we are meant to be. We are not going backwards to a world we once knew - but creating a new awakened, world of light. And this all takes time and patience to unfold.
2020 may have shattered and fragmented the lives we once had to pieces, but you can believe and trust yourself to forge a new way forward.
New year is never a time to push on with endless goals and to-do’s. Spring is the time to emerge!
So for now just go gently forwards as you deal with one day and one step at a time.
That’s enough for now.
Note to self
Every year I create my own vision book filled with intentions, hopes, dreams and wishes. Back in early March before the full force of the pandemic took hold I wrote a note to myself.
Flicking back through the book and reflecting on what was good about 2020 I hadn’t realised the significance of these words to myself at the time.
Nine months on I needed to be reminded of the sentiment behind them more than ever.
And so as another new year begins be hopeful that wherever you are and whatever you currently face believe this will not last forever.
I believe in you
When you’re full of self-doubt, fear and worry – I believe in you
When you feel uncertain of the future and out of control – I believe in you
When you can’t see a way out – I believe in you to find the solution
When you feel the world is against you – I believe in you and will always have your back
When you feel ready to give up – I believe in you to get back up
When you feel afraid and unloved – I believe in you and always love you
Because I believe in you.
And you can believe in you too.